small thoughts

This is right next to campus. It's a beautiful hill landscape that oversees the sport fields and tennis courts. I hear that in the spring, this place is canopied by sakura cherry blossoms.

I came here today to kind of sit down and reflect.
There are so many things to come, it almost doesn't feel right to turn around and think, "Wow I've gone through a lot." But there really are many things to think about. One of my most common thoughts is how much I think I know and then realizing how much I don't.

I think about people from home so much, everyday. Not in a homesick-I need to go back- way, more like a "wish you were here" feeling. And it may sound silly, but I sort of write mental letters to people. I guess initially they're probably meant for real letters (I actually have started to write a couple, but haven't gotten too far), yet they just stay there. In my head. Does this make me sound lonesome or loony? Both? Haha.

I have every intention to make a totally different life here. Everything is new and clean. Bleach white clean.

And so far things have been going pretty great.


Hmm...how convincing is "pretty great"?


No, but really! I can't bring myself to complain.

It's just that right now I'm in this stage where I'm kind of in the doorway, still. Only fingertips away from letting go of the knob. I'm awfully close to sounding like "I want to close the door from that other stage of my life!" But there's not going to be any door slamming.

If I could make one thing clear in this mess of thoughts is:
I am always thinking of someone. I wish that when I'm sitting by myself on a bench in that grove near campus, that that someone would come sit next to me. I'm still hopeful that my friends can visit me during the year, though I always remind myself of the realistic complications.

I'm talking about you, Pacific Ocean. How I loathe your fat girth. And what is up with the weak dollar? Can't you stand up on more than 90 cents?

I'm going to be busy with school and meeting new people.
I am very very excited.
But I really am a big wimp and prone to all these small thoughts.



I miss everyone who I associate with "home".